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"ABOUT
A GIRL WHO DIED OF AIDS... AND LIVED TO TALK ABOUT IT. " |
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| I
had literally cried out “There must be something else”, just before I came
in contact with “A Course in Miracles”. I had been looking desperately for
a solution in the years before. I
was diagnosed with the HIV-virus and I wasn’t very pleased with a future
of sickness, pain and death. I did all I could to hold sickness, pain and
death off. Not knowing that underneath there was a hidden desire wish to die.
The Course in Miracles was my way out and after doing the Course for a while
even the thought of having a deadly virus disappeared.
However,
there were still people outside of me who got sick and died. At some point
I realized that it was all me. If somebody else still could get sick and
die, it had to be me. I wasn’t able to keep anything outside of my mind
any more. I got scared and felt guilty. And, of course, the worst I could ever think of, happened: I got very sick. I had trouble breathing. And it got worse. At
some point I couldn’t even walk anymore and I felt guilty that I couldn’t
get better.
I was fearful because my body seemed to slip away from me. During
that time I already had some experience of an angel working through me. Finally I went to the hospital and could let go of all my guilt of being sick. I was at the end of me. I had to surrender totally. I couldn't do it anymore. I had to let it cave in on me. My situation seemed so bad that all the doctors and my family thought that I was going to die, but I felt totally taken care of, no matter what seemed to be happening. Later I heard that I stayed 22 days at the intensive care of which 10 were on the respirator. From visitors I heard I was totally in light. For me it was like being One. My body disappeared. I was in timelessness, One with God, of that we cannot speak… What a miracle! I
was told later that at some point the doctor on duty came to the door
and stood there for a moment and returned after 5 minutes with the doctor
who admitted me. They stood there in the doorway in amazement. The second
doctor told me that he hadn’t seen me since he had admitted me to the
unit and he was so happy what he saw. He said: “Continue healing”. The
room was full of light and the healing could be felt. And
then another miracle happened: I got better and they let me go to another
department and the healing of my body went very fast after that. In a
few weeks I was up and out again and nothing seemed to have happened,
although I was changed forever…… I stayed
under the care of the doctor and I got medication for AIDS. I struggled
with taking those medications, because I already had the experience that
I couldn’t die. After
a while this medication was taken from the market and they gave me a new
medication. When I read the enclosed description of the side effects I
got another realization. It said that the side effects were as deadly
as the HIV, and that people had already died from taking them. The medications
which would prevent death were deadly as well. What a joke! There was
no solution, facing the dilemma: death from medication or death from the
HIV-virus, which was no choice at all. I could
see clearly that the sickness is maintained by the remedy. So, I stopped
taking medication and doctor’s treatment. The whole experience showed me that death is just an idea and it has nothing to do with the body. Everything is an idea. The body, Aids are all just ideas. I thought I was a body that could suffer pain and die, but it is not so. Thank you God! I had made a mistake. I let my mind be changed about those ideas. I am not limited to a body. The Love of God created me, and nothing, absolutely nothing can change my Reality, no matter what seems to be happening in form. Only in God is my salvation, nowhere else. M.E. - The Netherlands |
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