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...SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE OF PROFOUND PEACE... | ||
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January 8th, 2001 Something happened to me that I couldn’t explain at the time. It was a spiritual experience of profound peace and seemed to be accompanied by some messages. It changed my life, because I experienced something that I had never thought possible: absolute pure peace of mind. And on some level I knew that that experience was real. But then, what to do? I seemed to be “walking on air” for a while, but not able to tell anyone. I was already studying A Course in Miracles so I found someone to tell who seemed to understand, or accept it, and be glad for me. But otherwise, I suddenly questioned by whole life and didn’t know what to do. So I started to question and to share what had happened to me, but then I seemed to lose family and friends because they couldn’t understand it or why I would want to change the direction and purpose of my life. And when I went to church, and offered to have a meditation group Sunday, those who came wanted to rely on the peace that came with me, and not do anything during the week on their own. I didn’t want them to rely on me, because I knew that it would come from within themselves. After some time passed, although I joined with several others in an association to extend whatever we could, I began to be frightened. I had not paid attention to A Course in Miracles. Then, I was becoming frightened. Now, I know that everything in my life was a miracle. Even the years of depression, which kept me asking and searching for “something else.” The Course says there may be a time when everything seems to be taken away from you. I think it is in the section on Trust in the Manual for Teachers. That was my experience but I didn’t think it was a blessing at the time! I was frightened and I was angry. I was angry with the universe. Why would such an experience of profound peace be followed by such a low place of fear and depression. Why didn’t anyone understand me? Why didn’t the experience of peace and joy just last forever? What was I supposed to do now? It was a miracle, in a way. Because I relied on so many things, hidden from myself, to feel secure and safe and worthwhile: being a wife and mother, having friends, having money, living a nice suburban life style, – but now all of those role seemed to be gone! I did get a job but I remember that I used to cry every day on the way to work. I would cry, and ask for help, and then rant at “God” or “Whoever” who didn’t answer my prayers the way I wanted. I was in a lot of pain. I always stayed with A Course in Miracles, though, because I thought that it spoke Truth, and that it’s Truth was the answer somehow. When I couldn’t be still enough to read it or do the lessons, I would sleep with it under my pillow. Actually, I was
being given whatever I would accept at the time, and everything I needed
has come – but not the way I expected, not the way I wanted it to be, or
how I thought it “should” be. |
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